


laid bare in yellow light

by lionquiet



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Identity Reveal, Lena Luthor Doesn't Know Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Mon-El is in this but I tried to make him less annoying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-10-14 02:59:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionquiet/pseuds/lionquiet
Summary: Kara Danvers does not have a crush on Lena Luthor. She doesn't. Really. That would be crazy, right? Kara Danvers (a certified extra-terrestrial) could not possibly have feelings for her best friend, a woman who can never, ever, ever find out about Kara's otherworldly origins.For a girl who can't feel pain, she sure is a masochist.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all! This is a season two rewrite. I hope you enjoy :)

Kara Danvers does not have a crush on Lena Luthor.

She doesn't. Really. I mean, that would be crazy, right?

Kara Danvers (a certified extra-terrestrial) could not possibly have feelings for her best friend, a woman who can never, ever, ever find out about Kara's otherworldly origins.

Lena is a Luthor, which isn't a big deal (to Kara, anyway). Yeah, her brother may have tried to kill Kara's cousin, and her mother may have tried to kill... well, just about every alien living on planet Earth, but none of that matters to Kara.

Lena is different, Lena is good, and Kara knows this.

Kara, however, has a boss, a few friends, and a very stubborn sister who insist that none of that matters. She's been told time and time again: Luthors are not to be trusted.

But it's not any of that that keeps Kara from acknowledging the butterflies in her stomach every time she sees her best friend. Kara doesn't care what anyone thinks (except Alex, but she'll come around eventually).

No, it’s not any of those things.

It’s that if Kara wanted to be with her, she'd practically be painting a target on Lena's back – and not just for Lena's deranged family.

It's that Lena has had enough people lie and deceive her, and she doesn't want her to think of Kara as just one more added to the pile.

It's that Lena would probably hate her if she knew about the whole ‘not a human’ thing Kara’s been so carefully keeping from her the past few months.

And it's not like them being together without Lena knowing that is an option, even if Lena somehow reciprocated her feelings and they were in a relationship. It would feel wrong, lying to her on that level.

But even just as friends, Kara knows her secret won't stay secret forever. The more she lets herself get involved in Lena's life, the more they learn about each other, the more time they spend together, the more chance there is she'll find out that Kara Danvers isn't just Kara Danvers.

She doesn't trust herself not to slip up around Lena. She hasn't even invited Lena over for dinner yet because she has a tendency to pull things out of the oven without those weird mitten things, or pop a fresh-baked cookie into her mouth before its had even a full second to cool.

And Lena... Lena has the uncanny ability to turn Kara into a puddle of awkward stammers and slip-ups. For goodness sake, the first time she went to speak one-on-one to Lena she told her she’d “flown there on a bus.”

She's sure it'll be her own stupidity that will put an end to her friendship with Lena one day, but it will hurt less for both of them if that's all it is — a friendship.

She can hope as much as she wants that when that day does come, when she inevitably learns the truth about Kara, Lena will brush it off with a laugh or roll her eyes like it's the worst-kept secret in the National City. Of _course_ Kara Danvers is Supergirl.

But she doubts that will be what happens. Lena has had some pretty complicated relationships in the past, and Kara has a feeling that finding out one of her closest friends has been keeping something like this from her will be... well, Kara certainly won't be her favorite person anymore, after that.

And she likes being Lena's favorite.

Because Lena's favorite gets to drop into her office whenever she wants.

“Knock knock,” Kara says as she pokes her head through Lena's office door. She grins when she sees her friend behind her large desk, brow furrowed as she looks at the screen, clearly hard at work. “Sorry, are you busy? Jess said I could come right in.”

“Yes, I told her that you're always welcome when you come bearing food,” Lena says without looking up from her computer.

Kara scrunches her nose. “You know that's like, all the time, right?”

“I am aware, yeah,” Lena says, then finishes whatever she was working on with a hard press on the send key. She looks up at Kara with a wide smile that makes Kara’s knees go a weak (which, again, should be impossible considering the whole alien thing, but here they are). “So, what's on the menu today?”

“Veggie wraps from Noonan's,” Kara says, plopping the bag on Lena's desk.

Lena purses her lips as she eyes the brown bag. “An oddly healthy choice coming from you, Kara.”

Kara grins. “I got us a few cannoli for dessert.”

“There's my girl.”

Kara blushes, and Lena looks amused. She thinks Lena must get a kick out this, out of flustering her. And she would be lying if she said she didn’t love it too, that she didn’t make sure to stop by Lena's office with lunch at least once a week just so Lena can flash her that look and leave her stuttering.

But no, Kara doesn't have a crush on Lena. She can't.

For a girl who can't feel pain, she sure is a masochist.

She clears her throat as she reaches forward to pull a wrap out of the bag. “So, how is your day so far?”

“Boring,” Lena replies, drawing out the word. “Meeting after meeting... I swear, sometimes I think the board is trying to drive me out of this company. And yours?”

Kara shrugs. It hasn't been particularly eventful — no DEO emergencies, and Snapper's actually been rather tame recently. It makes Kara somewhat uneasy; he either trusts her judgement more now, or has given up on her becoming a serious reporter.

But at least she's free for lunch.

“Same,” she says, and takes a large bite of her sandwich. She's starving, having not eaten in the past hour. She waits until she's finished swallowing until she speaks again. “I'm sorry I've been so busy. I meant to get down here earlier in the week.”

“Don't be silly, Kara. I'm glad you could make time for me,” Lena says.

There she goes again — blushing.

She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “My pleasure.”

Lena rolls her lip between her teeth as she smiles, and Kara looks away quickly, suddenly fascinated by the peppers on her sandwich.

//

Okay, so maybe Kara Danvers has the tiniest, teensiest crush on Lena Luthor.

And it's kind of terrible.

Not Lena. Lena is great. Lena is beautiful, kind, funny, smart... Kara gets lost sometimes thinking about all the things she likes about Lena.

And that's just the problem: Kara Danvers may be more than capable of acting like a school kid with a crush, but Supergirl can't be infatuated with someone.

Supergirl can't be distracted.

It's terrible, because Kara Danvers is very, very distractible.

She hits the building, an explosion of brick and glass booming behind her. She blinks through the dust in her eyes to stare up at the large alien that had tossed her so easily when he caught her off-guard.

“Supergirl?” Alex asks through her earpiece.

“I’m okay,” she answers quickly, brushing herself off.

“Be careful,” Alex warns, before Winn starts filling her in on everything the DEO knows about this particular brute. She handles him with relative ease — though she’s sure Maggie will give her a hard time about the giant hole she left in the office building she’d been tossed into. But that wasn’t her fault — she’d been ambushed.

Not by the alien; by the sound of Lena, laughing at something someone said in an L-Corp lab a mile or so away. Kara usually has a better handle on her super-hearing, but with Lena she seems to lose a bit of her control.

Alex isn’t happy.

She’s waiting for Kara once she gets back to the DEO. She doesn’t turn to look at her when she lands.

“What’s with you?”

“Nothing. I just — I was distracted.”

“By?” Alex asks.

“Nothing,” Kara answers again. “Just a loud day, I guess.”

Alex turns to look at Kara, frowning. “Are you having trouble controlling your powers?”

Kara shakes her head. She hasn’t struggled with that particular unpleasantness since she was a kid. “No, no, nothing like that. Just a lot going on.”

“Does this have anything to do with Mon-El?” Alex asks, tilting her head with a smirk that says she knows more than she’s letting on.

Kara practically recoils. “What? No. Wait, what about him?”

Alex rolls her eyes. “The way he follows you around like a lost puppy — I mean he clearly has a crush on you, Kara.”

“Really?” Kara frowns. She hadn’t noticed. To be honest, she hadn’t given him much thought outside their training. And just from that, she knows he’s a bit of a jerk; he reminded her of the frat guys at her college that she made a point to avoid in her four years there.

But there is something intriguing about him — and it is nice to be around someone who understands what it’s like to have lost your planet, your people.

“Yeah, really. What do you think of him?”

“He’s…” Kara trails off, thinking. It would be nice, she supposes, to be with someone like her. And it would be a convenient distraction from her current in-love-with-her-best-friend situation. She shrugs. “He’s kind of cute, I guess. When he’s not being a jackass.”

Alex snorts. “He’s kind of always a jackass.”

“Good point.”

“But hey — can’t hurt to get to know him, right? I just hate seeing you so alone.”

Alex has been feeling guilty ever since she started dating Maggie and has less time to spend with Kara. She assured Alex it was fine — she’s happy to see her sister happy, after all — but Alex still keeps trying to find someone to set her up with.

If only Alex knew who Kara is really interested in — then she’d be happy to hear that Kara’s love life is D.O.A.

“I know,” Kara says with a sigh. “We’ll see.”

//

The more Kara thinks about it, the better the idea sounds.

Mon-El is simple; she doesn't have to hide who she is around him. But she barely knows him — he'd only crashed landed on this planet a few months ago, and she hasn't really had anyone on her mind but Lena in that time. But nothing can happen between her and Lena, and Kara needs a distraction. Maybe Mon-El could be worth getting to know?

So the next time he innocently suggests an outing — a lunch date, or drinks at the bar, the sort of thing she’d usually turn down — she says yes.

“Really?” he asks, eyebrows shooting up as he grins. “I mean, great! Yeah, it’s a date.”

“Great,” Kara says, nodding. She tries to return his smile, but he’s already turning away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night,” he says before he goes.

Alex is quick to take his spot at the bar.

“What was that about?”

“He asked me out.”

Alex blinks. “And you said…?”

“I said yes,” Kara says simply.

Alex lights up. “All right, getting back out there.” She pauses, brow furrowing, and Kara knows she’s gathering her thoughts. “About what we were talking about the other day, though… I said I hated seeing you alone, but if Mon-El turns out to really be a jackass, then you can’t change him. Get to know him, see if that’s just some weird social reflex he has, but if you don’t like him then don’t stay with him just for the sake of not being alone.” Her mouth forms a thin line. “I’ve been in too many relationships like that, and they’re just… what I mean is, this is about you being happy. You need to chase that.”

Happy.

Kara’s mind flashes to the times she’s felt the happiest recently, and she knows exactly none of those times have been with Mon-El, and all too many of them were with Lena.

But maybe that can change.

“I know,” Kara says. “And I want to. I want to have a life outside of —“ she glances around them nervously, continuing in a whisper, “being a reporter by day, saving the city by night or whatever. I want to have someone to… come home to, someone to love.”

“There’s really nothing like it,” Alex says. She smiles as she takes a sip of her drink, and Kara rolls her eyes. Alex is disgustingly happy lately, and she can’t help but be a little jealous.

Kara takes a sip of her drink too before she continues. “Exactly. And if that’s not Mon-El, then… it’ll be with someone else. They’re out there.”

They’re just not Lena, she thinks sadly.

Alex must pick up on her sullen tone. “Hey — I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be a downer. This is a good thing. You’re young, you should have fun. He doesn’t have to be the love of your life, it’s just good to get out there.”

“Right,” Kara says, picking up her drink. “To fun!”

Alex smiles, clinking her glass with Kara’s. “To fun.”

//

Monday morning is crazy busy. Snapper has been putting more and more pressure on her, which she can’t really complain about. He just wants to see her do well, she thinks, despite his extensive attempts to pretend otherwise. At the end of the day, she trusts Cat Grant, and Cat seemed to think Snapper will grow into a great mentor for Kara.

“Ponytail,” he growls, snapping to get her attention. There are sirens across the city — a fire, but it sounds like the fire department has it under control — so she’d tuned out for just a second during their editorial meeting, and of course Snapper noticed. “Pitches, now.”

“Uh — sorry, let me just get my notes —” she starts to dig in her bag, but Snapper is shaking his head.

“Nope,” he says, voice gruff. “You’re on the…” his eyes scan over his list, “ah, yeah — the sewage story.”

Kara deflates. She’d actually had some pretty good ideas (and only three of them involving an interview with a certain CEO). Now she’s stuck reporting on the corruption of the city sewage system renovations — apparently someone rigged something so some contract went to some politician’s cousin... or something. She wasn't really paying attention.

She drags her feet on her way back to her desk, offering Mon-El a weak smile when he waves at her. She hadn’t gotten any sleep last night — not that she needs it, it’s just nice to shut her brain off every once in a while. Uncovering city scandals can get tiresome, and it’s not like Supergirl can really ever take a break.

Kara leans over to put her bag down, regretting her choice not to stick an extra candy-bar in there this morning.

When she looks up to see Lena Luthor standing in front of her, she does her best not to fall over.

It’s not a terribly successful attempt, though she does manage to catch herself clumsily against her desk, and Lena laughs. “Hi, Kara.”

“Lena!” Kara says, quickly moving in for a hug. “I totally forgot you said you’d pick me up for brunch. Sorry, can you just give me a minute to grab my stuff?”

“Of course,” Lena says. Her eyes drift to something behind Kara, and Kara turns to find Mon-El standing there, a bright smile on his face.

“Oh, sorry,” Kara says. “Mike, this is my friend, Lena. Lena, this is Mike — he’s, uh, an intern.”

If Mon-El is bothered by her description of him, he doesn’t show it. Kara feels bad, but they haven’t even gone on a date yet. It’s not like she can introduce him as anything other than a friend, at best, and that doesn’t really make sense with their ‘cover story’ for Mike the intern.

“I’ve heard so much about you,” Mon-El says as he reaches forward for a hug, just as Kara had moments before. Kara can see Lena’s eyes widen over his shoulder as her hand rises to pat him on the back.

“Uh, Mike,” Kara says once he’s pulled away. “We use handshakes here at CatCo.”

“Oh! Right, right, sorry,” he says, sheepishly. “Still getting used to the uh, ‘corporate’ life.”

Kara resists the urge to roll her eyes, wondering if she ever seemed this alien. Lena doesn’t appear to notice, flashing a bright smile at him.

“Well, you’re among the best of the best here, Mike. You can learn a lot at CatCo.”

“Oh, yes,” he says, nodding. “Right now I’m learning how to file paperwork. Speaking of…”

He waves as he walks back to his desk, and Kara lets out a sigh of relief. That hadn’t been nearly as disastrous as it could have been. The last thing she needs is Mon-El blowing her cover.

“He seems nice,” Lena comments once he’s gone.

“Yeah, he’s…” Kara isn’t sure why, but she can’t bring herself to tell her about their upcoming date. “He’s nice.”

Lena narrows her eyes at her for a second before her smirk returns. “So, what have you been telling people about me, Ms. Danvers?”

“Oh! Um,” Kara says, feeling a blush come over her face. “I, uh — just that, you’re, you know… my friend?”

“Wow, such glowing praise, I’m flattered,” Lena drawls.

Kara laughs, the red on her cheeks deepening. “Well, you know. You’re just,… you’re… so smart, and funny, and you have just the worst taste in food,” she says, earning a laugh from Lena. “You’re a good person, and uh — my best friend, actually.”

Lena blinks, surprised by the sudden confession. “Kara,” she says, sounding a little amazed.

“Sorry, that was a lot, I just —“

She’s surprised when Lena pulls her in for another hug. This one lasts, maybe a little too long for the workplace (and maybe even a little too long for friends). When Lena pulls away, she’s smiling.

“You’re the sweetest. Come on, I’m buying you brunch.”

“What?” Kara says. “No. I mean that’s not why I said —“

“I know,” Lena stops her. “But hey, what are best friends for?”

Kara takes a second, then breaks into a grin. “If you insist. But I’m getting it next time.”

//

With Snapper’s faith in Kara growing, her availability for lunch starts to shrink, so Lena takes it upon herself to either pick Kara up and whisk her away for lunch every day that Kara has the time, or bring take-out to share with Kara out on CatCo’s balcony.

Today is one of those take-out days, and Kara has never been more grateful.

“Wow,” Kara says, practically drooling as she opens her box. A large sandwich sits in front of her, complete with fries and a pickle. Large isn’t really a fair description — gigantic is more like it.

“I thought you’d like that. These monstrosities are their specialty,” Lena says. “I got dessert, too.”

“You’re too sweet,” Kara says, groaning internally at the accidental pun.

Lena shakes her head. “Everyone needs to eat, even busy reporters,” she says, stirring in the dressing on her salad. Kara nods. Even if she doesn’t technically need food to live, she sure does like eating it, so she’s not going to dispute that. “Besides, you’ve done the same for me more times than I can count.”

“Kara!” she hears someone call her name.

She looks up to see Mon-El approaching their table, his signature goofy smile on his face. Kara feels her blood run cold, but she forces a smile.

“Mo — Mike!” she answers, hoping it sounds just as enthusiastic as his greeting. “You remember Lena, right?”

“Of course,” he says. “Nice to see you again.”

“Likewise,” Lena says with a pleasant smile. “Hope the paperwork hasn’t been keeping you too busy?”

Mon-El’s face falls a little at the reminder. “Right… I still have to finish that,” he says, sighing. “I don’t know how you guys do this whole ‘work’ thing your whole lives.”

Kara tries to hide her wince at his distinctly alien-sounding choice of words. “Mike, uh — he used to be rich. Really rich, like you, Lena. Except not a CEO, more of a… Well, he’s here now, and he’s learning how to put in the work. Right, Mike?”

“Right,” he says, drawing out the word as he looks at Kara, unsure of what he did wrong. “Those were the good old days. I was practically royalty,” he says with a wink in Kara’s direction that she thinks is a little too unsubtle. “And look at me now…”

“Well, I admire a good work ethic,” Lena says, and Kara tries unsuccessfully to hide a frown. She doesn’t think Mon-El deserves Lena’s admiration, not for the job he’s been doing the past few weeks. “Kara here is one of the hardest workers I know — I can barely get a second alone with her nowadays.”

“Oh yeah, she’s super busy,” Mon-El says, and Kara grimaces at his word choice, until he provides her with a little cover. “Snapper has been relentless lately.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.” Kara doesn’t want to be rude, but she wishes Mon-El would get back to work. They’re going to see each other later for their date (which Kara is still trying to convince herself is a good idea), and she doesn’t have much time before Lena has to be back at L-Corp for a meeting. And god knows he’s behind enough with his work to have a lot of catching up to do.

He seems to be thinking along the same lines.

“Well, those papers won’t file themselves.” Mon-El takes a step away from the table, and Kara lets out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. “It was nice to meet you again, Lena. See you tonight.”

Lena turns to Kara with a curious face once he’s gone. “Tonight?”

“Oh, um — yeah, just a work thing,” Kara says. She’s not sure why she’s lying to Lena — it certainly doesn’t feel right. But telling Lena she’s going on a date with Mike the intern is just… well, that doesn’t sound appealing, either.

//

Come to think of it, the whole date itself isn’t terribly appealing.

They’re going to a nice restaurant, which Kara usually likes. It’s just that tonight is her one free night this week, and she knows for a fact that Lena isn’t doing anything. But she needs to do this. She can’t spend her life pining away after Lena, and a date with Mon-El is step one to ensuring that doesn’t happen.

So she picks out a dress (with Alex’s help) and pulls her hair into a sharp bun. He picks her up at her apartment, and they exchange pleasantries before they head out. Mon-El chose the restaurant, some new place across town that Kara hasn’t heard of. It’s a little fancier than her normal fare, but she’s kind of gotten used to these sorts of places during her lunches with Lena.

Ugh, there she goes again. Thinking about Lena, talking about Lena… Kara can’t really help herself. She’s only just become aware of it recently, but she manages to work her friend into just about every conversation. Tonight is no exception. She knows she needs to stop after the third time she brings up Lena before they’ve even ordered (even if it was totally justified — the restaurant has Lena’s favorite dish, after all).

Mon-El seems oblivious, at least. And Kara really is trying to enjoy herself. She and Mon-El will make sense as a couple, and Kara really needs someone to get her mind of of Lena.

So she listens when Mon-El tells her stories about all the things he’s been up to at CatCo when he should have been working. She laughs, because he is actually kind of funny, and starts to think that maybe she can do this. And the food is good, too, which could serve as enough distraction for tonight on its own.

She can do this. She can get through the entire night without thinking about… well, you know who.

But surprisingly, she’s not the one to bring up Lena next.

Mon-El is, and Kara just about chokes.

“So, are you dating Lena, too?” he asks, then takes a bite of his steak as if he hadn’t just accused Kara of two-timing.

Kara splutters. “What? No! I wouldn’t — no. Why would you think that?” She shakes her head vehemently. “I’m not that kind of girl.”

Mon-El looks puzzled. “What ‘kind of girl?’”

“The kind who would would go on a date with you while I’m seeing somebody else!”

“Is that… a bad thing? Sorry,” he says, raising his hands. “Alien, remember?”

Kara shushes him as she looks around to make sure no one heard him. His hand flies up to cover his mouth, and Kara can’t help but laugh. It breaks the tension a little.

“So, the answer was no, in case you didn’t get that,” Kara says, and Mon-El laughs, looking sheepish.

“Sorry. It’s just — you spend more time with her than anyone else outside of the DEO. You’re always smiling at each other, eating food together — isn’t that like a human courtship thing?”

“Yes, but — that’s not —“ she says, then stops, sighing. “Lena doesn’t have feelings for me.”

He shrugs. “I may not know much about Earth, but I do know women. She seems into you, that’s all.” He flashes her a charming smile. “Can’t say I blame her.”

Kara shakes her head, looking down at her food. Lena maybe has a little too much fun flustering her, sure, but liking her is out of the question. Lena is like a million times out of her league, and she’s sure Lena can sense that Kara isn’t one-hundred-percent honest with her all of the time. It’s not as if their relationship hasn’t had its fair share of rocky moments over the few short months they’ve known each other.

She looks up, and realizes Mon-El is waiting for her to say something.

“Lena isn’t interested in women,” Kara says, though it seems like a thin excuse.

“Oh, I keep forgetting that’s a thing,” he says, brow furrowing. “Earth can be so strange, sometimes.”

“What do you mean?”

Mon-El shrugs. “On Daxam, monogamy isn’t really a thing, either.”

“Well, it is on Earth. And we’re on Earth, so don’t be getting any ideas.”

“Oh, now who’s the jealous one?” He laughs. Kara feels bad — she probably wouldn’t actually be jealous at all if Mon-El were to show interest in someone else, but it still feels right to say on a date.  “Don’t worry, Kara. You’re the only one I’ve got my eye on right now”

His smile is bright as he reaches for her hand, and Kara feels a pang of guilt that she has to fake hers in return. “Good.”

She’s happy when that seems to be the end of the conversation, Mon-El moving on to some story Winn told him. But she can’t stop her thoughts from circling back to what he said.

Lena seems interested in her.

//

All in all, it isn’t a bad night. Mon-El isn’t terrible company — in fact, they have a lot in common, even if they are very different people. Most of all, he gets what it’s like to be an alien. She doesn’t have to hide who she is around him.

So when he asks her if they can do this again at the end of the night, she says yes. And the next time, and the time after that, too.

On their fifth date, he comes to her apartment so they can cook together. Kara picked out something easy — she figures Mon-El knew very little about cooking — but still can’t hold in her laughter when she tells him to crack an egg and he smashes it to bits against the counter.

It’s nice, taking off her glasses and letting her hair down for once. She doesn’t have to pretend to burn herself when she forgets the oven mitts. Mon-El may not know her, but he knows about her, and that’s a comfort in and of itself.

But she still doesn’t find herself falling for him, as much fun as they’ve been having together. It’s not him, not really. It’s Kara. And maybe it’s Lena, too. †rKara has decided to give it another few dates before she calls it off though, because it’s been enjoyable and she knows that Mon-El isn’t super serious about her (judging by the longing looks he gives just about every passing woman, anyway).

It gets a bit tedious, balancing a boyfriend and a best friend who for some reason Kara still hasn’t told about said boyfriend, but Kara is Supergirl, right? She can do this. And besides, she’ll tell Lena. It just… hasn’t come up yet.

Except Mon-El, it turns out, is needy. Not only does he need constant guidance, both at CatCo and at the DEO, but his appetite for attention is nearly endless.

Kara regrets teaching him how to text.

Especially today. It’s the first time in a week that she’s had time to go over to L Corp and visit Lena, and her phone has been vibrating like crazy since she sat down. She knows it’s not Alex or the DEO — she has a special tone set for that — and Snapper has finally taken some of his vacation days, which means it’s not likely to be CatCo.

So the only person who could be interrupting her time with Lena…

Kara pulls out her phone and sighs.

It is indeed Mon-El, who has sent her a long series of texts about nothing in particular. She’s not sure how he’s managed to send so many in just a few short minutes.

“Kara????” the last text reads. She tries not to get annoyed — Mon-El is new to this whole Earth thing, he doesn’t know proper texting etiquette — but now is not the time, not when she’s seeing Lena for the first time in days. Lena, who Kara has missed more than she allows herself to admit.

Lena, who is now looking at Kara expectantly when she glances up from her phone. “Something wrong?” she asks.

Kara shakes her head, smiling. “No, nothing,” she says as she slides her phone back into her pocket. “Just work. It can wait.”

“Okay.” Lena looks uncertain. “You can take it, if you want.”

“No,” Kara says, a little too forcefully. “It’s really not a big deal. Besides, I’d rather be here with you.”

Lena smiles, but it doesn’t last long before she’s before she’s back to looking a bit anxious. “Well, if you’re sure. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about, actually.”

Kara’s heart thuds as her mind races through all the possibilities — Supergirl, her for-some-reason-secret boyfriend, her own ridiculous feelings for Lena — all the things Kara’s been hiding that Lena could be about to bring up.

It turns out, it’s none of them.

“There’s this… well, I don’t know quite what to call it. A ball, a gala?” Lena shrugs. “Either way, it’s a fundraiser, and it’s tomorrow night. We’re sponsoring it, so I have to go. It’s going to be long, and boring, but there will be delicious food and an open bar, and I —“ Lena stops, demurs. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’ll be unbearable alone, but I thought maybe if you were there...”

Kara’s eyes widen. “You want me to come?”

Lena’s smile is small but hopeful. “Would you?”

“Of course,” Kara says, breaking out into a grin. She’s going to have to go shopping, cut her hair, and pray there are no rogue alien attacks that night, but going to a ball? That’s like, every little girl’s dream.

And going with Lena is Kara’s.

She knows being with Mon-El has had the opposite effect she’d intended; instead of distracting her, she’s become much more aware of just how much she’d rather be with Lena. At least when she was single, she could pretend. But her relationship Mon-El is a constant reminder that things between her and Lena can and will never happen, and it’s like torture.

She needs to end it.

//

She plans to, at least. She really does. But then Snapper keeps her late that night, and Mon-El doesn’t come over afterwards. She doesn’t want to dump him at work, so when he finds her in the elevator that morning and asks her what she’s doing that night she brushes him off.

“Oh, I’m going to this thing with Lena,” she says.

He raises his eyebrows, and she feels the guilt creeping up her throat, and she knows that she needs to come up with a plan, now, or she’ll just end up telling him at the most inopportune moment.

“Listen, do you think you could come over after work tomorrow?”

“Sure,” he says. “Movie night?”

“Maybe,” she says. “We’ll see how the night goes.”

And no, that must have sounded flirty, because Mon-El is grinning at her and leaning in for a kiss on the cheek just as the elevator dings. Kara is left standing there until the doors almost close, furious with herself.

//

It’s not easy to get dressed for a gala with Lena Luthor.

It’s not like Kara has an extensive selection of gala-appropriate gowns, and she doesn’t get paid enough at CatCo to go purchase one just for this occasion, as much as she’s tempted to.

She ends up deciding on a deep red dress she bought for a much less fancy occasion (a conference she attended with Cat two years ago). It’s not much, but with a necklace and earrings and a nice pair of shoes, it’s not bad.

Kara ends up ready to go way too early, full of nervous excitement. She paces the floor of her apartment countless times before Lena finally calls to let her know that she and her driver are in front of Kara’s building.

Lena looks stunning, leaning against her car and wearing a sleek black dress that makes Kara’s body temperature rise at least ten degrees. She already burns a lot hotter than humans, so she hopes it’s not noticeable in the cold air as she walks towards Lena.

“I feel a little underdressed,” she admits in lieu of a greeting.

Lena laughs, shaking her head. “You look beautiful.” She leans down, popping open the car door. “Shall we?”

Kara ducks as she gets into the car. It’s been a while since she has had to be in one, and she’s never been in a car like _this._

Lena’s body slides in next to her, pressing against her, and Kara tries not to let out an obscene noise as she scoots over into the other passenger seat.

“Thank you for coming to this,” Lena says once the car starts moving. “I know it was short notice.”

The sincerity in her voice makes the smile on Kara’s face come naturally. “Of course, Lena. I mean, you promised delicious food, you had to know I’d say yes.”

“There will be so much food, even you couldn’t eat it all.” Kara scrunches her nose — she doubts that — but she doesn’t say anything. “I even made sure there will be potstickers.”

Kara beams. “What did I do to deserve a friend like you, Lena Luthor?” she asks, and she knows it’s ridiculous, because all Lena did was make sure her favorite appetizer was going to be at this party tonight, but she means it.

The question throws Lena off balance, her smile shifting into something sad. “You’re the one that’s too good for me, Kara.”

Kara reaches across the seat, squeezing her hand. “Nonsense.”

Lena squeezes back, and Kara spends the entire rest of the ride focused on Lena’s heart beat, slightly faster than usual. She tries not to get her hopes up that maybe Mon-El was right, after all, maybe Lena is _into_ her.

The reminder of her “boyfriend” puts a sudden bad taste in her mouth. She shouldn’t be doing this, going to a party with her best friend who she definitely might be in love with while she’s still dating a guy who she really should have broken up with yesterday. Especially when said best friend has no idea about said boyfriend, and seems to maybe possibly return her feelings.

This is bad.

Bad, bad, bad.

//

The gala, as it turns out, is not romantic at all. It’s more of a dinner than anything, for the anniversary of a fund Lena started at a hospital a year ago. The first half of it is full of speeches, then there’s dinner (which, Kara has to admit, _is_ delicious).

Lena’s attention is occupied by just about every person that passes by, everyone having something to say to the CEO. Most if it is good, so Kara doesn’t mind, but there are a few men that come on a bit too strongly that make Kara bristle.

Lena rolls her eyes as she turns back to Kara. “God, if one more person interrupts you — where were you again?” Her hand lands on Kara's knee, encouraging her to continue, and Kara’s mind needs several long seconds to reset before she can come up with an answer.

“Oh, uh — Snapper was going off on this new reporter James hired about —“

“Lena!” a man says, and a hand lands on Lena’s shoulder. Lena barely contains a jump at the contact, and her hand flies off of Kara’s leg. “It’s so good to see you.”

Kara tunes out the rest of the conversation, instead focusing on her food and decidedly not the warm blush that had crept up from where Lena was touching her. She can’t do this, not tonight, not when she hasn’t broken up with Mon-El yet and she hasn’t told Lena she’s Supergirl yet and everything is still _wrong._  

Lena manages to get the man to leave after only a few minutes.

“Sorry about that,” Lena says. “I know this probably isn’t what you signed up for.”

Kara swallows another huge bite of food, shaking her head. “I mean, I’m not going to lie, I thought there would be more dancing.”

Lena frowns. “You thought we were going to dance?”

“I’ve never been to a gaIa.” Kara shrugs. “This is nice, though.”

“We can dance, if you want.”

She laughs, before realizing that Lena is still looking at her like she's serious. Kara blushes, eyes darting down to Lena’s smile before she forces herself to look away. She tries not to think of the two of them on a dance floor, arms around each other as the rest of the world falls away.

Kara can’t do this, not tonight, and she knows that.

“There isn’t music,” she points out, but Lena just shrugs. “I’m... not much of a dancer, anyway.” She tries to ignore the way Lena’s smile falls slightly.

Another older man in a suit swoops down in front of Lena and demands her attention just then, and Kara drops her eyes.

She lets out a deep breath. All she has to do is get through the rest of the evening. She can break up with Mon-El tomorrow, and figure the Lena stuff… well, she’s not sure she’ll ever really figure out the Lena stuff.

//

The rest of the dinner goes fine — no dancing, thank god. It’s all fine, really, until they turn to leave.

“My driver will be here any minute,” Lena says apologetically. “Sorry. I know it’s cold to wait.”

“No, no,” Kara says, though she throws in a shiver for good measure.

“Come here.” Lena opens her arms to her, and Kara regrets her decision to pretend to be human. She moves closer to Lena, and is surprised when she actually shivers again at the feeling of Lena’s arm wrapping around her shoulder.

 _Keep it cool, Kara. You’ve hugged millions of times._ But this feels different, somehow, Lena’s hand squeezing at her arm, and she tries to control her racing heart as she leans into the touch.

“You are actually pretty warm,” Lena mumbles, and Kara attempts to ignore the way Lena’s breath brushes against the hair above her ear. It doesn’t go well.

Kara can’t think of a response, but she doesn’t have to — Lena is pulling away. She doesn't move out of Kara's space, though, her hand remaining on Kara’s arm. Kara glances at it before looking back at Lena.

“Thank you again for coming with me tonight,” Lena says. “To be honest, I don’t know if I would’ve survived without you.”

“I’m sorry you were hassled all night. I should have been a better buffer,” Kara says.

“Oh, please. They’re relentless, there’s nothing you could have done.” Lena shakes her head. “I hope you enjoyed yourself anyway.”

And this, this moment right now, is where Kara messes up. Because she can’t stop her eyes from dropping down to Lena’s lips, to looking at her smile for just a second, and there’s a question in Lena’s eyes when Kara finally manages to drag hers back up.

Kara blushes, suddenly aware of how that must have looked. “Oh, yeah — I mean, I was with you,” is all she can come up with in her flustered state, and Lena blinks.

She breathes out a laugh, and Kara knows that she’s doomed. “You always say the sweetest things, Kara. I don’t deserve you as a friend.”

And Lena’s close, so close, her hand still holding Kara near by her elbow and the steam from her breath close enough to mingle with Kara’s.

“You deserve so much more than my friendship, Lena.”

She hears it, afterwards — how it could have been taken the wrong way. She’d meant it in a you-don’t-know-who-I-really-am-and-you’ll-probably-hate-me-one-day kind of way. But that’s not how Lena takes it, of course.

So it’s a heavy moment. Kara can feel it in the way Lena’s fingers tighten against Kara’s jacket, in the steady thud of Lena’s heartbeat. She hears the car pull up behind them, but Kara doesn’t dare move. Not when Lena’s eyes are falling to Kara’s mouth, the pressure at her elbow suddenly a pull as Lena closes the distance between them.

Kara’s eyes flutter shut as Lena’s lips connect with hers.

Kara wants nothing more than to lean into the kiss, to let herself melt into Lena. But she can't do that; she's not a cheater, and regardless of her intentions she hasn't broken up with Mon-El yet. So she only lets Lena’s lips brush against hers before she takes a step back.

Lena’s eyes stay closed, as is she’s frozen in place for a moment before she curls her arm back against her chest.

“Kara,” she whispers, eyes blinking open. They’re glassy, and panicked, and Kara just wants to die on the spot. How could she have let this happen like this? “I’m sorry, I’ve been drinking and I shouldn’t have — have let myself —“

Kara can’t let herself hear what Lena has to say next. “No, it’s not… I’m sorry. I have a... a Mike,” Kara finishes lamely, surprised with her ability to not blurt out the wrong name for him in her dazed state.

“What?” Lena whispers, eyes still wide.

Kara’s eyes drop back down to her lips, still glistening and so, so close.

 _Focus_ , she scolds herself.

“Mike, he’s my — my — I’m going out with him.”

It somehow seems like the easiest excuse at the moment for why she can’t do this, even though that relationship is long past its expiration date and Lena has no idea that Kara was even seeing him in the first place. As soon as its out of her mouth she regrets it, because it will only complicate things further, but she couldn’t bring herself to really _reject_ Lena Luthor, not with her heart still pounding from the feeling of her lips pressed against Kara’s.

Lena frowns, brow knitting as she takes a step back. “Oh,” is all she says at first. Then, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I mean, I shouldn’t have… I should go.”

Kara starts after her. “Lena, no. Wait!”

Lena stops when she reaches her car, then sighs as she turns around. She won’t look at Kara. “You need a ride home, of course. I’m sorry.”

Her voice is heavy with hurt and Kara knows she’s messed this up. “No, no — that’s okay. I can — someone can pick me up.”

Lena nods, short and stiff. “Right. Have a good night.”

She gives Kara a quick look before she gets inside of her car, and Kara steps back onto the sidewalk as the driver quickly pulls away.

Her lips are still tingling as she watches her go.

//

Kara texts Lena several times before the next morning. Lena doesn’t answer any of them. But they made plans for lunch today more than a week ago, and Kara needs to talk to her if they’re going to move past this.

She should have told her that she was dating Mon-El sooner, but it hadn’t been serious. She didn’t want to make it sound like a bigger deal than it was. Plus, she couldn’t bear the thought of talking about her romantic feelings with Lena. It’d be dangerously close to another conversation she’s been dying to have.

They’d agreed to meet at a restaurant that Lena read about in some magazine — something French, Kara thinks, judging by the name. She’s nervous Lena won’t show up, but she sees her as soon as she’s a mile away.

Something isn't right. Lena isn't smiling.

She stops behind the nearest building, taking a moment to fix her hair before she steps out onto the sidewalk and crosses the street to where Lena is waiting in front of the restaurant.

“Lena, hey,” she says as she approaches.

Lena’s head snaps up to look at her.

“Kara,” she says, voice too cool for Kara’s liking.

“You want to go inside?” she asks.

Lena doesn’t answer, just takes a long breath, arms crossed in front of her chest. Kara shifts on her feet, waiting for Lena to look up at her, but she grows impatient after nearly a minute passes in silence. “Is something wrong?”

“Why didn't you tell me you were dating Mike?”

“I — what?”

“You know, Mike? The guy you’re going out with?’” Lena frowns. “I thought — I thought you would have told me if you were dating someone.”

Kara nods. “I should have. I just didn’t because I didn’t want to…” she sighs. How can she put this? “I like our friendship the way it is, you know?”

“With me in the dark?” Lena asks. “Because I don’t like that, Kara.”

Kara frowns — if only Lena knew how ‘in the dark’ she was about Kara’s life.

“I know. I’m sorry. It only started a few weeks ago, and I’m already planning on breaking up with him. If it were more serious, I would have told you, but — ”

Lena shakes her head. “No, I’m sorry,” she sighs, pinching her eyebrows together. “You don’t owe me an explanation. I don’t mean to sound so angry, I’m just… I’ve been an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot, Lena,” Kara says. It isn’t like Lena imagined the connection between them — Kara has certainly  known it’s there, but she also knows for reasons that Lena does not that this connection can’t go anywhere.

“I am, though,” Lena says, eyes lowering. “I misread our friendship, and for that I’m truly sorry.”

Kara shakes her head. “You didn’t,” she insists. Lena’s eyes snap up to hers, and she realizes what she’s just admitted to. “I mean, I — you weren’t wrong, exactly, I just — “ she stops, giving her mind a second to catch up with her mouth. Thank god Lena has the patience of a saint. “It’s a case of bad timing, I guess.”

Lena’s brow furrows slightly. “What are you saying?”

Kara lets out a long breath. “I liked you, Lena,” she admits. It feels sad, under these circumstances, but she needs to push through. Especially since Lena now looks like she’s hanging on Kara’s every word. “So much, actually, you don’t even know. And maybe if things were different, we’d have… we’d be…” she sighs, shaking her head. “But they’re not.”

Lena’s jaw sets, the hopeful gleam in her eye gone. “Right. They’re not.”

Kara lets out a wavering breath, wishing there was more relief in ripping of this bandage. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

Lena shakes her head. A tight smile spreads across her face. “Don’t be.”

“So…” Kara says, unsure of where they stand. “Lunch?”

She's relieved when Lena nods. “Right. Lunch.”

Lena moves to open the door when Kara hears it.

The grumble of something, deep within the ground, heading straight for them.

It happens all at once. Some beast bursts out of the street in front of them, an alien that Kara doesn’t recognize, pieces of asphalt exploding around him. One lands with a solid thunk in the car in front of them, crippling the hood and setting off the alarm.

Lena screams, and Kara’s eyes widen as she snaps to look at her, searching for any sign of injury. She just looks scared, though, reaching for Kara across the few feet that separate them.

“Inside,” Lena commands, eyes jumping to the creature.

Kara goes to move when it lets out a loud roar, and she looks just in time to see the alien grab a gargoyle from off nearby stairwell and throw it right at them.

Without thinking, Kara jumps in front of Lena.

The last thing she sees before the statue crashes against her back is Lena’s face, terrified and confused.

The cement crumbles around her, chunks of it hitting the ground as the statue shatters across her back. She does her best to shield Lena, but when she pulls away a trickle of red is running from a cut on Lena’s forehead.

“Are you okay?” She reaches up to look at the wound, but Lena jumps back as soon as Kara's fingers touch her, and her heart sinks when she realizes what she's just done, what this means.

“Lena,” she starts, but it's too late. Lena's eyes are wide as she takes a step back. Kara can hear the pounding of her heart, can see her hands shaking at her sides, her thoughts racing as she makes connections that Kara, at the very least, isn’t a human being.

Kara reaches up to adjust her glasses, a nervous gesture leftover from her childhood, but finds they’re not there — they must have been knocked off in the collision. Kara’s heart drops.

Lena is a genius, and Kara knows she must have put the pieces together.

_Lena knows._

This isn’t the way she wanted this to happen. She’d had a plan, however vague, and it had always involved Kara telling Lena herself. Lena finding out like this… Kara isn’t sure what to do. But she knows she has to do something, with Lena looking at her like she’s questioning everything she’s ever known about her.

“Please. I can explain.”

But she doesn't have time. Someone screams behind her, and when she turns to look through the building behind her she can see the alien has a group cornered against some cars in the street.

“Go,” Lena says, voice hoarse, and Kara's head whips back to her. Her mouth is set in a firm line as she looks at Kara, having somehow found her composure in just a few seconds. She nods towards where the scream came from. “They need you, Supergirl. Go.”

The last word is insistent, and Kara takes one last long look at Lena before she nods, speeding around the corner and returning a second later in her suit.

It only takes her a few minutes to get the alien under control. The DEO arrives just as Kara restrains him. People cheer as they lead the alien into the back of a black van.

When it's over, Lena is gone.

//

Lena’s words won’t stop replaying in her head.

“They need you, Supergirl.”

She groans as she presses the pillow over her eyes, determined to relieve herself of the sight of Lena’s face, hurt and betrayed, burned into her memories. It doesn’t work, and Kara ends up throwing the pillow across the room a few minutes later. There's a loud crashing noise, and Kara grimaces, hoping it isn’t something important (she's too sad to go check).

She pulls out her phone, opening her message thread with Lena. The last texts are her own, trying to get in touch with Lena before lunch yesterday. They went unanswered, and now she's pretty sure she'll never get another response from Lena again. She’s lost track of the time by the time there's a knock at her door. Kara bolts up straight, for a split second hoping that it might be Lena on the other side. A quick check with her x-ray vision dashes that hope — it’s Alex.

“Open up,” she calls as she pounds again on the door.

Kara puts on a burst of super-speed to reach the knob before she can knock again. She’s on the couch by the time the door finishes swinging open, the pillow back over her face.

She hears Alex approach.

“Okay, what’s wrong?”

“Lena knows,” Kara says through the pillow.

“What?” The pillow is suddenly jerked away, and Kara is face to face with Alex, looking at her incredulously.

“Lena knows I’m Supergirl.”

“What?” Alex repeats. “How?”

Kara sighs. “That alien attack downtown on Friday… she was there. We were together when it started, and she saw me — Kara Danvers — I had to save her, Alex,” she says, blinking back tears. “He threw this statue and it was going to hit her and I didn’t even think.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Alex says, reaching to put a hand out on Kara’s shoulder. “You didn’t have a choice, Kara. She’s your friend — you couldn’t let her get hurt.”

Kara squeezes her eyes shut, a tear finally slipping out. “She’s my best friend. And I think she hates me.”

Alex frowns. “Did she say that?”

Kara shakes her head. “No, but — you should have seen the look on her face, Alex.”

“She was in shock.”

“No,” Kara insists. “I know her. She only shuts down like that when she’s really, really angry.”

“Or really hurt,” Alex points out.

Kara sniffs. “Is that much better?”

“You should talk to her,” Alex says, and Kara starts shaking her head immediately. “I mean, you kind of have to, Kara — she has to sign the NDA.”

Kara groans. She’d forgotten about that stupid form. “Can you bring it to her?”

“Yeah, no, I’m pretty sure that would just piss her off for real.”

“Good point,” Kara says. “Since when are you so sympathetic to Lena Luthor?”

“Since my little sister has been moping around without her the past two days,” Alex answers.

Kara glares. “I do not mope!”

“Uh-huh, sure, and those five gallons of ice cream in your trash just ate themselves overnight, huh?”

“…. Maybe I mope a little.”

//

Kara looks up at the L-Corp building, nerves turning her stomach. She considers for a second flying up and knocking on Lena's window, the way she would if she were visiting as Supergirl, but that might be a little too forward. Who knows if Lena will even want to see her at this point?

She decides maybe the old-fashioned way is best.

Jess doesn't seem happy to see her, a tight, thin smile stretched across her face.

“Ah, Ms. Danvers. Sorry to report that Ms. Luthor has already told me that she needs to work on a project and doesn't want to see anyone this afternoon.”

Kara fidgets with the hem of her blazer. “Do you think you could check? Tell her it's really important that I talk to her.” She glances down at the brown bag in her hand, remembering what Lena had said about always letting her in, once upon a time. “I brought food?”

To Kara’s relief Jess gets up to check, though she can tell from her posture as she walks into Lena’s office that Jess probably thinks she’s about to get yelled at.

That not a good sign.

Jess doesn't look amused when she gets back. “She says she'll see you, but it has to be quick.”

Kara nods, quickly walking past Jess with a whispered “thanks” before entering Lena’s office.

Lena doesn’t look up when she enters.

“Hey,” Kara says. “I brought lunch.”

“I already ate,” Lena answers, and Kara has a feeling it’s a lie. Still, she has no right to call her on it.

“Right,” Kara says. “Uh, sorry. Do you want to maybe keep it for later? You always work late on Thursdays.”

Something flashes over Lena’s face quickly, but it’s gone in a second. “Fine.”

Kara nods, crossing the room to Lena’s small refrigerator and putting the bag inside.

“Is that all?” Lena asks when she turns back around, narrowing her eyes as she studies Kara from behind her desk.

Kara swallows. Lena isn't going to make this easy, and she can't blame her. “I was hoping we could talk.”

“I don't know what there is left to say.” Lena’s answer is curt, the cold in her tone sending a shiver down Kara’s back.

“Then maybe I can just do all the talking, and you can listen,” Kara suggests, earning a short nod from Lena. Once she has her permission, though, she doesn’t know where to begin. She takes a few nervous steps forward, hands rising to fidget in front of her. “Okay. I know… I know you must be really mad. And you have every right to be. I lied to you, I betrayed your trust and I —“ Her voice begins to shake, and Kara stops herself, knowing she’s probably just digging herself deeper. She needs to change tracks. “I just want you to understand why I had to do it.”

Lena raises a cool eyebrow. “Did you? Have to, that is.”

Kara nods with vigor. “And I'm sorry. I wish it could have been different but I don't think it could have. I know it doesn't make it any better, Lena, and I hate that I hurt you. I hate that I made you hate me.”

Lena laughs, though there's little humor in it. “I don't hate you, Kara.”

“You don't?” Kara asks, a little stunned.

Lena grants her some reprieve from her worry when she shakes her head. “No. I understand why you didn't want to tell me.”

Kara gets the feeling that she doesn’t. She takes a step closer, shaking her head. “It's not — I mean I wanted to tell you, Lena. I wanted to tell you all the time.”

The tug of a smile at Lena's lips makes Kara uncomfortable, stopping her in her tracks. “I'm sure you did.”

Kara frowns. “Then why do I get the feeling you don't believe me?”

“I do,” Lena says, words getting caught in her throat for a moment, “and I understand your reasoning. I'm a Luthor. Couldn't risk word getting back to my mother about your identity, right? I don't I blame you; I wouldn't trust me either.”

Kara takes a step closer, shaking her head. “That's not why. I trust you, Lena.”

“Really?” A curved eyebrow arches, and Kara swallows, nervous at how quickly this conversation has devolved into exactly what she was hoping to avoid. “I can't say I believe you, given all the evidence to the contrary.”

“Well it's the truth,” Kara says, voice firm. “I wanted to tell you every day.”

Lena looks away, training her eyes on her desk for a moment before she speaks, voice forced. “Then why?”

Kara sighs. She's not sure if she can even begin to explain. “My identity... it's not just about me — it's about my family, the people I love. Keeping my secret means keeping them safe. The fewer people that know, the better.”

Lena sighs. “I don’t want excuses, Kara. I know it was probably a difficult decision for you, but it was a decision you made nonetheless. And I know there are two sides of this, but from my side — this isn’t — I can’t just let you waltz back into my life as if I’m supposed to somehow just accept this. That this is the new normal, that you’re…. you.” She stops, clears her throat. “I think you need to go.”

The fight dies in Kara’s heart at Lena's tone — one she hasn't heard since their first interview together, cool and collected and nothing like the warm and somewhat goofy person Kara has found hiding underneath all of that — and she sighs. She knew she shouldn't have come here, that Lena wouldn't want to see her, not this soon. She should have respected that, and now she's gone and made Lena even more upset.

Lena must notice how Kara deflates, because she looks almost sorry for a second before she turns back to her computer.

“I don't want to stop being your friend, Lena,” Kara says, voice lacking its usual conviction.

“I think that may be a difficult problem to solve even for you, Supergirl,” Lena says, not looking away from the screen. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I have flights to arrange.”

Kara feels as if she's been slapped. She knew Lena would need time and space to forgive her, but Lena actually leaving National City had not crossed her mind. Her thoughts begin to race. Where is she going? What if she's going to move back to Metropolis and never come back? Has Kara really driven her best friend out of the city?

“You — you're leaving?” is all that comes out.

“Don't make it sound so dramatic, Kara,” she says, as if reading Kara's mind. Lena shakes her head. “I'm visiting L-Corp's facilities around the country — it helps boost company morale.”

Kara bites at her lip. That doesn't sound so bad. “How long will you be gone?”

Lena's expression remains nearly unreadable as she gives a minuscule shrug. “I don't know — as long as it takes.”

That sounds decidedly worse. Kara's jaw drops a little as she tries to come up with an apology that will make this all better, make Lena stay. But she comes up short, and after a moment of Lena looking at her with a challenge in her eye, daring Kara to say something, she can't keep her mouth closed. “You can't just run away, Lena.”

It's the wrong thing to say, she realizes almost immediately.

“Excuse me?”

The challenge in Lena's gaze is now a blazing fire, and Kara scrambles to correct herself. “I just meant... we should talk, you know? We should talk about this, about what happened between us.” She sees a flash of something on Lena's face, and takes a step closer before continuing. “I mean — you kissed me, Lena. That has to mean something.”

The silence hangs heavily for a moment between them, filled by nothing but a shaking breath from Lena.

“It did, you know it did.” Lena's voice breaks, and so does Kara's heart. The display of weakness only lasts for a second before Lena's business voice, trained to conceal any emotion, returns. “I meant what I said. I don't hate you, Kara. But I don't think there's room for people in my life who expect the truth from me and don't return the favor.”

Kara feels her lip start to tremble and sucks it into her mouth, knowing that Lena deserves this moment. She deserves to make Kara hurt after all she put her through. But is this really it? It's such an anti-climatic ending to what's been building between them for months now, and she again wonders if she's a bit of a masochist for wanting clarification.

“What are you saying, Lena?”

Lena sighs. “I'm saying goodbye. I leave early tomorrow.”

It takes a moment for it to sink in; Lena was planning to leave without telling her, had she not stopped into the office. Kara's eyes begin to burn, and she blinks fast at the tears forming there, determined to keep them from falling. She's grateful that Lena seems equally as determined not to look at her, at least.

She remembers the forms Alex gave her just as she moves to leave, in a folder in her bag. She pulls it out, eyes blurring from the tears she can’t keep at bay.

“I have some papers, here, you have to fill out. Government stuff, a non-disclosure— you can leave them and uh, Alex will come pick them up,” she says, placing them on her desk. She’s sure her sister won’t make her come back here, not after how well this went.

Lena still doesn’t look up.

“Have a good trip,” she manages to get out before she spins on her heal and crosses the large office in a few quick steps.

“Be safe out there, Supergirl,” Lena says softly when she’s left the room.

Kara's not sure if she meant it at as a jab, but it sure feels like one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first fic in a while, and I’m both nervous and excited to be writing again. Thanks so much for reading. Your feedback would mean the world to me.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been one day without Lena, and Kara isn't sure how she's going to make it.

Not in a dramatic, can't-live-without-you, Bella Swan and Edward Cullen kind of way. She's just too distracted, her head not in the game enough to fight properly.

She'd almost let some bank robbers go earlier when their escape route had taken them past L Corp., Kara pausing for just a second too long to see if she could catch a glimpse of Lena in a window, some assurance that she hadn't gone yet. She'd missed which way the getaway vehicle turned, and though it hadn't taken her long to catch up, they could have seriously hurt someone in those seconds that Kara wasn't paying attention.

She can't help it; she doesn't know what time Lena's flight is, and she can't shake the thought that at any minute Lena could be leaving her life for the foreseeable future. And while she could follow Lena anywhere, technically, that's not the point.

The point is Lena is doing all this to get away from her.

//

She breaks up with Mon-El that night. He doesn’t seem all that surprised.

“It’s okay, Kara,” he assures her as he makes to leave. “This was fun.”

“Yeah, it was,” she agrees, though it doesn’t sound terribly sincere. “I’ll um — I’ll see you at work, okay?”

He falters. “Oh. About that… uh, I kind of might have gotten... burnt.”

Kara blinks at him for a second before she realizes what he means. “You got fired?”

He snaps. “Yes, that’s the one. Fired! I am fired.”

Kara laughs in spite of her current mood. “Well, then I guess I’ll just… see you around.”

Mon-El smiles back at her. “See you around, Kara.”

Kara feels bad, because when she cries that night, it’s not for him.

//

A week without Lena, and people are beginning to notice.

Gone is the sad, moping Supergirl of seven days ago. She's not sure when it happened, but some time over the past few days she'd gone from too distracted to fight to too brash, her temper suddenly a lot harder to control. The “bad guys” have borne the brunt of her frustration, but there has been some... extraneous property damage.

Kara just can't find it in her to care.

“You're getting reckless,” Alex warns her in a hushed tone after one particularly destructive afternoon. “What's going on with you?”

“It's nothing,” she says. “Just — stuff with Snapper at work. I guess I needed to let off a little steam.”

“Try hitting the gym next time, maybe?” Alex suggests, her small smile doing little to help hide her concern. “Do you want to come over later? Maybe have a sister night?”

Kara pulls her mouth into a thin line as she thinks. Maggie is waiting for Alex in the lobby, she remembers. She doesn't want to get in the way of her sister spending time with the woman she loves — that's no way to build a relationship. “No — that's okay. I think you're right, I'm going to head down to the basement, destroy a few thousand pounds of steel.”

Alex pulls her into her arms, head leaning against Kara's shoulder.

“Please be careful.” She probably wouldn't be able to hear it without her abilities, and she squeezes Alex a little tighter than she would normally allow herself, knowing her sister is right to be worried.

“I'll call you later,” Kara offers as she backs away.

Alex just nods as she watches Kara turn and leave.

//

A month. It's been a month since Lena left for god knows where, and Kara is a mess. She knows it’s silly. She’d known Lena for less than a year, but she’d grown so attached to her, and there was so much left unsaid between them — at least on Kara’s end. She’s not sure if Lena has anything left to say to her at this point.

She’s gotten the Supergirl stuff under control, for the most part. Now it’s Kara Danvers that is beginning to suffer.

Her work is fine, she supposes. Snapper hasn’t complained about the quality of her writing lately, but she’s stopped volunteering for as many stories. She’s suffering from some serious writers block, and each article takes hours longer than it should. She’d even once she caught herself halfway through a recorded interview without having written down a word that had been said.

Game nights have been few and far between, Kara not offering to host them unless prompted and Alex’s time too occupied with Maggie to push for them. James and Winn seem to be making themselves busy, anyway, so Kara spends most nights on her couch, alone, watching old musicals and eating far too much junk food ( even for her alien metabolism).

She’s scrolling through the channels one night when she stumbles upon something she’s not ready to see — Lena, smiling on her big screen.

It’s some interview about a surgical wing at a hospital that L-Corp had funded the equipment for. Kara listens to every word, then rewinds to listen again, frustrated that she must have missed the first part of the segment. She wonders briefly if she can find it online before she realizes what she’s doing, the rabbit hole she’s about to fall into, and shuts off the television.

She can’t let herself be _that person._ Kara has never been one to get hung up on someone. She’s too busy for that. So why is getting over Lena so hard?

Kara hasn’t figured that out, and for now she’s willing to just accept it and mope — at least she has the 5-gallon tub of Neapolitan ice cream from the discount store to keep her company.

//

It’s been two months and three weeks when Kara realizes that she needs to start moving on. It takes a pretty big wake-up call.

Everything starts with an alien attack, like always.

Supergirl gets called downtown by Alex while she’s out on patrol. There’s something in her voice — a taught tremor almost hidden by the distorted quality of her comm — that sets Kara on edge.

When she gets there, all hell has already broken loose. There are DEO agents pinned down in several locations, and Alex is one of them. Winn is in her ear, explaining to her exactly what they’re dealing with — an alien, equipped with some sort of super weapon that seems to, in his words, “evaporate people.”

Kara isn’t happy to hear that her sister is in the line of fire.

She decides to waste no time, flying into the middle of the action and shooting lasers at the weapon Winn warned her about. It somehow deflects her laser vision, and the gun barely moves from the alien’s hand before he’s turning towards her and firing.

Supergirl dodges the blast, but it isn’t fast enough, a singe burnt into the shoulder of her uniform when she lands on the ground.

Her skin is red where the ray hit her, and the mark isn’t fading fast like the rare wounds that she does sustain. Whatever this weapon is, it’s strong, and it was built to fight her — that much is obvious. There are very few weapons that can hurt Supergirl, and the ones that can are usually designed for that very purpose. She doubts this is any exception.

Kara studies the gun in the aliens hands, looking for any indication of where it might have come from. She doesn’t find any.

“Wait for my signal,” Alex says in her ear.

She finds a group of civilians hiding behind a car, and decides to take cover with them instead of the DEO agents, who at least stand some chance against this thing.

“Mama, it’s Supergirl,” she hears a child say as she lands, and Kara does her best to make her smile reassuring as she crouches behind the burnt wreckage that was once an SUV. “She’s gonna save us!”

Just then another blast comes from the other side of the car, and everyone screams. Even Kara falls to the ground at the tremendous shake of whatever just exploded.

Her hand lands in something soft like sand, but stickier, against the pavement. She looks down to see a pile of black dust, seemingly scorched into a small circle on the asphalt. Next to it, a pair of glasses lay cracked on the ground.

The realization hits her all at once.

“Supergirl,” Alex’s worried voice comes through her comm, but it doesn’t stop Kara from jumping out of cover and throwing herself at the alien full speed. But whatever this alien is, he’s fast, rounding on her before she can get to him and unleashing another blast straight into her stomach.

It knocks the air out of her, and the street explodes around her as she crashes to the ground.

“Supergirl!” This time Alex’s voice isn’t through the comms, but shouted from across the street as her sister comes running out of cover to make sure Kara is okay.

The alien looks up, and if Kara didn’t know any better, she’d say he was smiling. “A friend of yours?” he asks, then laughs as he turns to face Alex.

Alex doesn’t stop, continuing to run for Kara.

The alien raises his gun, and Kara wishes she could freeze time. She’s been stupid, and reckless, and now Alex’s life is in danger if she doesn’t _do something_ and fast.

Solar flare. It's her last option, even if she’s not sure it will work. There are few things in the universe that can survive Kara at her full force, so it’s her best shot — but she's still reluctant to use it. Being without her powers, even if just for a few days, feels terrible. And somehow worse is the knowledge that the entire time she's unconscious, Alex won't leave her side.

But then the alien shoots, the blue beam heading straight for Alex, and Kara leaps into action. She’s in front of Alex in an instant, pulling her cape out around her to make sure Alex is covered from the blast. It hits Kara square in the chest, and she can’t help but let out a scream at the impact. Her skin burns beneath her invulnerable suit, but she knows if she succumbs to its power Alex would be dead.

She forces her mind to push past the pain, back to the task at hand, and focuses her laser vision on the weapon.

The world goes white as she lets the power rush through her.

//

She wakes up in the med-bay, Alex asleep at her side. She finds the clock on the wall — 11:10 — but there’s no windows down here, and she has no idea whether it’s morning or night.

Alex is a light sleeper, so it’s less than a minute before she’s blinking herself awake and jumping up to hug Kara.

“You’re okay,” Alex says, and Kara’s heart breaks a little at the tears she feels wetting her suit.

“I’m okay,” she repeats back, squeezing her sister’s shoulders.

Alex nods, then pulls back. “You’re also an idiot. I told you to wait.”

She drops her gaze. “I couldn’t let him kill any more of those people.”

“Yeah, well I couldn’t let him kill you,” Alex says, frowning. “I’m worried about you, Kara. Lately you’ve been acting like… like you don’t matter. You’ve been just throwing yourself into danger and I’m —“

“I know, I know,” Kara cuts her off. “I don’t have a good excuse. Not really. I’m just… sad, I guess.”

“It’s okay to be sad. It’s not okay to be dead.”

Kara laughs. “Yeah, or human,” she says, groaning as she stretches. “I feel like I’ve been hit by a train. How do you guys _do_  this?”

Alex sighs as she eyes up her sister’s injuries. “I can give you something for the pain, but it’ll probably make you sleepy.”

“No, that’s okay,” Kara says, shaking her head, but Alex is already moving towards the cart in the corner.

“You need to rest, Kara. This will help you do that.” She stops, turning to face Kara. “Please just… let me help you.”

Kara swallows, then nods. “Okay.”

The needle stings as it pierces her skin, and Kara winces.

“Baby,” Alex teases, but her touch is gentler as she tapes the IV to Kara’s skin.

A phone dings from somewhere in the room, and Kara frowns — that’s her ringtone.

“Oh,” Alex says, glancing behind her. “Winn brought your stuff over from CatCo when he saw what happened. Do you want your phone?”

Kara nods. It’s probably Snapper, asking where her evening story is, and she has to tell him not only will he not be getting that, but she’ll probably need the next few days off.

Alex pulls the phone out of Kara’s bag and hands it to her. Kara’s heart just about stops when she glances at the screen.

_Lena Luthor: 1 New Message._

Kara’s fingers tremble as she types in her passcode, missing the buttons several times before she successfully unlocks it.

_Lena: Are you okay?_

The phone suddenly looks blurry, and Kara isn’t sure if it’s from her injuries, her shaking hands, or her tears. Either way, she knows she can’t respond now, not with Alex hovering over her, her pounding head, and her eyelids suddenly fighting to close at every second.

So she lets them, comforted by the small knowledge that somewhere under all of her anger, Lena still cares.

//

It’s morning when she’s finally able to try to craft a response to Lena. She’s still under the sun lamps, but is feeling well enough to sit up. Alex has finally left her side for the first time since she woke up, after Kara’s endless nagging had convinced her to go home, shower and get a fresh change of clothes.

She stares at the message for longer than she’d like to admit, knowing that as soon as she starts typing Lena will be able to see that she is. Not that she thinks Lena is watching, or anything, but the added anxiety is enough to keep her fingers off her keyboard while she thinks of a proper response.

Not that there is a proper response, really, after all this time. They haven’t spoken for nine months — that’s almost as long as they’d been friends in the first place.

“ _I’m okay.”_ It’s simple, but it should assuage Lena’s fears without giving away too much how of hurt Kara has been the past few months. She thinks about writing something like “thank you for caring,” but she’s afraid it will come off wrong. That’s the problem with text messages.

_”Alex is taking care of me,”_ she writes instead.

Kara presses send before she agonizes over it for too much longer, knowing that if she lets herself hesitate it will take hours before she actually responds.

Her phone buzzes almost immediately.

“ _Good,”_ is all the message says, and Kara stares at it for longer than she’d like to admit. A few seconds in, Lena starts typing another message. Kara watches as the icon disappears and reappears several times before it stops for good.

//

It’s been three months when Kara finally sees Lena.

It is not an ideal situation.

They’re in the basement of one of L-Corp’s National City labs. A gun is pressed against Lena’s head, the man holding it wearing a twisted smile. “I was hoping you’d show up, Supergirl. I figured coming to a Luthor lab was the easiest way to get your interest.”

The muzzle of the gun is pushed into Lena’s temple, the man’s finger on the trigger, and Kara knows she might not make it there in time even with super-speed.

Lena, to her credit, looks unfazed; outwardly, the only signs of her fear are her eyes, laser-focused on Kara’s. But Kara can hear the pounding of Lena’s heart, the shallowness of her breathing, and Kara feels the strongest emotion she’s felt since Lena left five months ago: fear.

Luckily, her voice doesn’t betray her. “Let her go.”

The man chuckles at her demand. “Funny, this one wasn’t even supposed to be here. I guess I got lucky. You two are close, right?”

Kara’s lip twitches into a snarl. “Let her go, and I’ll let you leave here alive.”

“Supergirl doesn’t _kill,_ even I know that,” he says, shaking his head. “Unless… maybe, for your friend? Are there some lines even the girl of steel will cross?”

Kara’s fist tightens at her side. She doesn’t kill, it’s true — but as Alex had once said, soldiers will take a life when necessary. Still, she’d rather not do that. Especially since Alex was with Kara when she heard the alarm go off in Lena’s lab — her sister knows where she is, and she’s coming with a team of DEO agents.

Kara just has to stall until they get here.

“You seem to know a lot about me. What do you want?”

“To talk.”

“I’m listening.”

And she is — just not to him. She can hear the DEO vehicles, just a mile away, which means she has to stall for at least another minute.

“I don’t think you are,” the man says, and Kara can see his finger flinch against the trigger. He looks at Lena. “Ms. Luthor, you must have something around here that can level out the playing field. Something of your brother’s, perhaps?”

Lena’s jaw clenches. “No.”

But Kara watches the way Lena’s eyes tick to the side, glancing over something behind Kara’s shoulder. Her stomach twists a little at the sight. Lena wouldn’t… would she?

“This isn’t the time to be brave,” the man says, pushing the gun’s muzzle harder against Lena’s skin. “Get me something that can hurt her. _Now_.”

He shoves Lena forward, and she stumbles in her heels before catching herself against a table. His hand is still on her shoulder, his gun against her back, but Lena still refuses to look afraid.

“I told you, I don’t have anything left of Lex’s,” Lena says, voice cool. Kara’s fears from earlier are put to rest, but only for a moment. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t have what you’re looking for.”

Lena doesn’t look at Kara while she says it, her eyes ticking to the side as if she’s trying to look at the man behind her, and Kara’s glad for that.

It feels like a punch to the gut. Lena has weapons designed to hurt her? Kara’s face must fall, because the man barks out a laugh. “Does that hurt your feelings, Supergirl?”

Lena’s eyes find hers suddenly.

“Please trust me,” Lena whispers, her voice barely louder than her breathing, meant for Kara’s ears only.

“Lena, think about what you’re doing,” Kara says. She’s sure whatever Lena is planning, it’s not safe — though that doesn’t mean much given their current predicament. There isn’t much Lena could do to make herself safe right now. In fact, maybe playing along is her best bet.

Still, Kara hates to watch as Lena leads the man towards a door on the other side of the room, her fists clenching uselessly at her sides.

“Just where are we going?”

“There’s a lead-lined safe inside this room.”

A quick scan with her x-ray vision reveals that’s not true, which you would think would  be a good thing, but the sight just further spikes Kara’s anxiety. She’s not sure what this man will do if he gets any angrier. 

“Come on, Supergirl. I’m not turning my back on you for a second.”

Kara follows behind them, waiting for the slightest indication of Lena’s plan, but none comes. Lena leads him to the back corner, where a sleek metal box rests. Lena presses her palm against the corner of it, and the front slides open.

There’s a lot of things inside Kara doesn’t recognize, but even she can tell most of them are weapons. The sight makes her blood run cold. Did Lena develop all of these? The only thing that brings her comfort is if they were anti-Kryptonian weapons, Lena really would have them locked behind a lead wall. She’s smarter than that.

Still, a cache of weapons behind a bio-locked safe isn’t exactly comforting.

The sound of the DEO arriving outside is.

“Supergirl, everything okay in there?”

Kara wishes she could answer Alex, but she’s pretty sure this man wouldn’t take kindly to it. He shoves Lena to the side, pressing his gun against her back. “What do we have here?” he asks.

“My work,” Lena says, voice still cool. “I think this should be of particular interest to you.”

Even in her heels she has to stand on her toes to grab a small black box on the top shelf. When she turns around, he levels the gun at her head.

“That?” The man looks blankly at the box. It only takes a second for his expression to morph to anger. “ _That’s_ your weapon to take down Supergirl?”

In any other situation, Kara knows that Lena would be rolling her eyes at his dismissal of her work. As it is, she just sets her jaw, holding up the box. “It’s a suit. You hold it against your chest, press this button,” she shows him a small protrusion on the sleek device, “and you’re in.”

“A suit, huh?” he says, reaching for it with his empty hand before pausing just inches away. He frowns. “How do I know it’s not a bomb?”

“Because I don’t have a death wish.”

He nods towards Kara. “Your friend here could save you.”

“You’re the one who wanted me in here,” Kara argues. Her patience is wearing thin, and she’s running out of non-lethal options. But Alex is leading the DEO down the stairs to the basement lab, and she just has to stall them for a few more seconds.

Lena, unfortunately, knows none of that. “Then I’ll activate it. Supergirl is fast, but even she wouldn’t be able to save me at this distance.”

Lena glances at her, and Kara is unsettled by the look in her eye. Is Lena bluffing? If she is… even with super-speed and a cape to shield Lena, Kara doubts she would be able to completely protect her from the blast.

Her hands clench uselessly at her sides as she watches Lena take a step towards the man. When he doesn’t stop her, Lena raises the box up, puts it against his chest, and presses the button.

Several things happen all at once.

The doors to the lab burst open as Alex and her team finally arrive, the boom of it in the otherwise silent basement briefly convincing Kara that a bomb _had_ gone off somewhere. But Lena’s device hadn’t detonated a blast — it emitted a forcefield. Or at least, that’s the best word Kara has to describe the glowing, red translucent box now surrounding the man.

It takes him a second to realize what’s happened, but when he does, his face erupts with rage. He opens his mouth as if to shout something, but Kara can’t hear him.

Lena takes a step back, letting out a quivering breath. “Containment field,” she says, and Kara isn’t sure if she’s talking to Kara or herself. Kara doesn’t get a chance to respond before DEO agents are swarming the room.

“Supergirl, are you okay?” Alex is by her side in an instant. Her hand lands on Kara’s shoulder in what’s meant to be a comforting manner, but Kara’s off balance, and all it does is make her aware of how weak her knees suddenly feel.

Lena is here — right in front of her, not five feet away. And Kara can’t move.

“Hey,” Alex says, stepping into her field of vision, but Kara can’t take her eyes off of Lena, now being led away by a DEO agent she would usually know the name of. Right now, she’s reeling.

Lena is in National City, and she’d almost just died and Kara hadn’t been able to do anything to stop it. All because some criminal with a mastermind plan had wanted to get to Supergirl.

It was exactly what Kara had tried to warn Lena about when she’d gone to CatCo to talk to her that day. The feeling of vindication is lost somewhere in the mess of emotions coursing through her veins.

After months of longing, Lena was here.

And Kara didn’t say anything.

//

“Oh, Miss Danvers,” Jess says, voice cool for Lena’s usually friendly assistant. “Do you have an appointment?”

Kara fiddles with her hands, used to having a paper bag or take-out box in them when visiting Lena’s office. Today’s visit had been a spur-of-the-moment thing.

Sort of.

“You have to go talk to her,” Alex told her the night before. “She’s here, and you’ve already seen each other. The awkward part is out of the way.”

“I don’t think it counts as seeing each other if one of us is at gunpoint,” Kara had argued. But still, this morning she somehow found herself standing on the corner of Cordova St. instead of at work, staring up at L-Corp’s offices.

She’s not sure how she made it inside. The ride up the elevator had been a blur; the only thing that kept her moving was the sound of Lena’s heart beat floors above.

And now… Kara puts on her most convincing smile for Jess. “No, not exactly, but… but I think she’ll see me. I know she probably told you not to let me in anymore but I think she might — could you just ask, please?”

She must look especially pathetic, because Jess, despite rolling her eyes, gets to her feet to walk into Lena’s office. She returns a minute later, frown still on her face. “She says you can go in.”

Lena is standing near the bookshelf when Kara walks into the office.

She looks up, smiling a little at Kara. “I was wondering when you'd come.”

Kara stops halfway into Lena’s office, suddenly unsure of herself. Out of all the things she’d prepared for, she wasn’t expecting Lena to _smile_ at her.

She finds her voice after a second, but doesn’t leave the doorway. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, after what happened.”

She doesn’t way what she’s really thinking — that she wasn’t sure if Lena would still even be in National City, and it was killing Kara to know that Lena might leave before Kara got to see her under less….stressful circumstances than yesterday.

She takes a step further into the office, happy that Lena at least hasn’t asked her to leave yet. She could have had Jess stop her at the door, but she didn’t.

That has to be a good sign, right?

“Thank you for saving me,” Lena says.

“You’re welcome,” Kara says. She smiles back, but it doesn’t feel right. She’s not sure to make of how Lena is acting — not quite like her best friend, but not exactly like she hates Kara, either. Kara fidgets, unsure of where to go next. She supposes she should come right out with it. “I was hoping — do you think we could talk?”

Lena’s smile falters. “Yes, of course.” She turns to walk back to her desk, like this is some sort of business meeting, and Kara’s confidence starts to slip away. “I know we didn’t exactly leave off on good terms.”

Kara wants to laugh at the understatement of what Lena had just said, like they’d had some small tiff the last time they’d seen each other, but she doesn’t. Instead, every word she’s had to say, everything that she’s had prepared for months now starts spilling out of her, and she’s powerless to stop it.

“I’m sorry, Lena.” The words stop Lena in her tracks, her back still facing Kara. She thinks that maybe that’s for the best, that maybe this will be easier if Kara doesn’t have to look Lena in the eye for a second time while baring her heart. “I’m sorry that I hurt you, that I lied to you — all of it. I’m _so_ sorry. I know I can’t expect you to forgive me, given how mad you were when you found out about… well, me, but if you could just give me a —“

Lena cuts her off. “I’m — I wasn't mad, Kara.” She sounds mad though, even now, her voice reverberating against her office walls. Her shoulders slump after a moment, and Kara hears her let out a heavy breath. “And I’m sorry that I acted like I was. In truth, I was… I was scared.”

Lena's voice quivers on the last word, and Kara wishes more than anything that she would turn around, that she would let Kara see her. She could be in front of her in less than a second, but she knows she shouldn't push that boundary if Lena isn't ready, so she stays where she is.

“Of me?” Kara asks. “Lena, I'd never hurt you.”

She hears Lena let out a low chuckle, notices the nearly imperceptible shake of Lena's head as she quietly protests Kara's statement. Kara swallows — having super abilities does more harm than good during an argument with someone she...

She... loves? Is that right? One kiss and she's in love. But it was more than that one kiss, wasn't it? It was evenings spent on Lena's couch eating takeout when the CEO had worked herself too late into the night without bothering to get dinner for herself. Lena was always a bit of a health-nut, so Kara loved to see what she could get Lena to eat when she’s a little too hungry to care. Lunches were always the opposite — Lena would take Kara places that she would never dream of going herself and force her to try green things that Eliza would pay money to see her eat.

They shared so much together in the short time they'd had. It rolled over Kara in a wave all those months ago, but it has settled in now; all this time has done little to ease how much she cares for Lena.

“I know you would never use your powers against me, Kara,” Lena says, finally, pulling Kara back out of her thoughts. It's generous, Kara thinks, not capitalizing on her chance to point out that Kara has already hurt her by lying to her for the vast majority of their friendship.

Kara chews her lip as she considers her next words. “I understand it can be scary being put in... well, put in situations like today.”

This time Kara doesn't need superpowers to see Lena shaking her head.

Lena surprises her then by turning around, and it feels like a punch to the gut. She's seen Lena cry before, but this is different. Gone is her usual facade. Lena’s walls are down, eyes sad and streaming as she moves towards her, and Kara has to cross her arms to keep herself from reaching out and pulling Lena into her.

“Kara, I've been in danger since the day I became a Luthor. I'm not afraid for me.” Lena stops, shaking her head as she looks at Kara. “How am I supposed to be okay knowing that it's Kara Danvers underneath that suit?”

Kara feels the earth fall out from under her. That’s what this has all been about? She could cry — the past few months of misery has been because Lena was _worried_ about her?

When Kara doesn’t respond, Lena continues. “You put yourself in danger every single day, Kara. Do you know what feels like?”

Kara nods. She does indeed. Her loved ones are in danger every day, and it kills her. “I mean — you just said it yourself, you're in danger all the time too.”

“That's different, Kara, and you know it.” Lena's lip quivers. “I liked Supergirl — she was my friend, and it hurt so much every time I knew my friend was in danger. How am I supposed to carry on knowing that it's _you_ — Kara Danvers — someone that I...” she shakes her head, and Kara's heart clenches in her chest, wishing she would just finish that sentence. “You mean so much to me, Kara. I thought it'd be better, being away, but it's not. It's worse seeing it on the news and not being able to see you myself afterwards, to make sure you're okay.”

Kara unfolds her arms, taking a step towards Lena, aching to reach forward and wipe the tears off her best friend’s cheeks but knowing that would be pushing the boundary Lena has set.

“Lena, what are you saying?”

She's surprised when Lena doesn't back away, instead letting out a long sigh before speaking. “The other day — when you disappeared after the fight downtown…” She stops to pinch her brow between her fingers, sighing. “There were rumors online that said you were unconscious, that they had to carry you out on a stretcher.”

Kara sighs before nodding. “Those were true,” she says. “But that's just — sometimes I go a little too hard saving the day. It's no big deal, I just have to recharge.”

“It was a big deal to me, Kara.”

Lena takes another few steps towards Kara. It leaves very little space between them, and Kara's heart hammers in her chest as she remembers the kiss three months ago, at the beginning of the end.

Lena’s eyes trail over Kara’s face, scrutinizing her for a second before she speaks. “I had to make sure you were okay.”

It hurts to hear, for some reason. Kara frowns. “So that's why you're back? Just to check on me?”

Lena pauses, sighing as she thinks. “No. No, I shouldn't have left in the first place. It wasn't right. But I needed some time to think, to process that my — that you're —” she gestures at Kara, standing there in her suit and cape. “That you're you.” She chuckles. “You’re kind of a lot to take in, you know.”

But Kara doesn't seem to hear everything she says, blinking as she stares at Lena. “Wait, you're staying in National City?”

“Well, L-Corp can’t run itself,” Lena says with a shrug, though her casual attitude isn’t quite landing with the tear tracks still staining her cheeks.

Still, Kara can’t help but smile. “Okay,” is all she can think to say. “And.. are we… do you —“

“I’ve missed you,” Lena confesses suddenly, catching Kara off guard. “And while I don’t think we can quite go back to the way things were… I’d like it if we could be friends.”

“Friends,” Kara repeats back. It’s more than she could have ever hoped for, and yet somehow it hurts to hear. “Of course.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I just signed up for twitter, so I'm looking for people to follow in the fandom :)   
>  @_lionquest


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